no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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