The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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