my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
