The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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