May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
