Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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