What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
