i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
