the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
