I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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