Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
