Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
