I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
