Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
