so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
