my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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