Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize