then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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