i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
