I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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