The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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