i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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