It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
why do cheetos always look like penises
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
