why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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