and you said cock pushups were impossible
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Randomize
