allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
im six kinds of drunk right now
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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