possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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