i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
