I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
