hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
