Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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