i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
