His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize