I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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