Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
