I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
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