I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
