that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize