Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
