The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
