Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
