I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
