Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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