Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
