So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
