Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
