how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
