so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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