The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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