What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Randomize
