She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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