They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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