I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
