My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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