pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
