You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
