There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize