I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
