ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize