I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize