Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
