1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
