I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
