its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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