p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
