How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
