if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
