Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
