We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
